Rejection.

All my life I have worked. From a young age things weren’t easy for me. I ventured out on my own when I was 16. Never feeling as if I “fit in” to the world. I did what I thought I must at the time. At the age of 19 I went into restaurant management thinking it was the only thing I could do to get to a point in my life where I didn’t NEED anyone but myself. Money has always been a struggle for me and many others on this earth. After 7 years of working in restaurants I decided to try to take a step to what i thought was happiness. Maybe without the fear of not having funds for my bills would make me feel at ease. I’m a survivor. I rely on myself alone to carry the weight on my shoulders. I know I can always count on me.

At 22 my life twisted. I was always known for making it on my own. I fell for a man living 2 hours away from my home. After seeing each other for about 6 months I decided to move closer to him. Moving closer to him meant giving up my assistant management job for a support managing job. The choice I made I would soon regret. Sharing a home together owned by his parents the relationship went sour. Once again I find myself hurting because I relied on someone else. It’s no one’s fault but my own. Who am I to expect people to be perfect? This meant I had nothing of my own. My car, clothing and a computer… That’s it. Having nowhere to go my ex choose to let me stay in his house and pay half rent. Of course anyone could imagine how that went. But within these moments is when I knew, I wanted what I once had. I needed to make a change. An upgrade in life. I decided it was time for that change. I remember speaking to my online gaming friends about Full Sail University. Every night after work I would come home and just talk and game with them for hours. Dreaming of the day when I would finally say “yes, I’m going”.

In February of 2012 I drove from Marietta Ohio to Orlando Florida to attend Full sail University to study Digital Art and Design. I felt the school overall prepared me well. I felt the most prepared after graduation than most college students graduating. However I was not prepared for what was yet to come.

2 years of constant searching. Never really feeling secure or “ok” when it comes to my financials or finding a place for me. I try my best and when my best isn’t enough it begins to eat me up inside. I feel the depression slowing taking over me. The end results has me fighting a battle with myself every day to keep going. To keep trying. Today is NOT your last day I won’t go down that easily. I just have to keep trying. Some days don’t goes as well as others. However this time around things began to seem different. I pushed this energy I felt into creating something all my own. I make the decisions for this, I decide what to create and I decide how it’s created. Then I remember… This is what I’m good at. Pulling self motivation from the darkest parts of me and pushing myself to make something of it.
What rejections have you been through? What have come out of these rejections and how do you plan to deal with them in the future?

 

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