Blondie’s Blog

Ark Survival Evolved

Ark Survival Evolved Video Series


These videos will take us on a journey through the amazing game Ark. As Luno and I move to the beautiful Redwood area on The Center map you can tag along with us as we continue to build, tame and progress through the game! I hope you enjoy these series! Big thanks to Mukwa Gaming for hosting the server for us!

 

Mukwa Gaming

Steam Group: http://steamcommunity.com/groups/mukwagaming#
Discord: https://discord.gg/x5aF7ZE
Website: http://mukwagaming.com/

Links to join:
The Center—-> http://toparkservers.com/server/104.192.227.26:27039
The Island—-> http://toparkservers.com/server/104.192.227.26:27015

Mod collection:
http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=859305729

Rates:
2x XP
2x Gathering
4x Taming
faster incubation and baby growth 10x
Level cap increased to 201
5x raft capacity

 

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Here’s to 5 years with you mi amor!

Wednesday March 7th, 2012. The day we decided to become a couple. We had been spending a lot of time together before we made the decision to actually call what we had “a thing”. I remember being so afraid. So afraid of being disappointed once again. I have always been the “loving” type and always searched for serious relationships. I loved deeply but that was a flaw in my eyes. I pushed you away for a while. But when we finally gave it a shot we choose this date for some random reason haha. We had gotten so lost we couldn’t even remember the day we began dating. LOL

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The night I told you I loved you ( maybe 6 months? )You looked at me and said “I don’t know what love is”. I remember how sad that made me feel at the time. I told you that was ok, but I wanted you to know how I felt. Later on I began to appreciate one of the greatest values you carry. Honesty. Throughout this relationship we have grown a trust not many get to share. I can’t thank you enough for being honest with me that night. Because the day you said it. I knew you meant it and it made me the happiest.
I know it may not seem like it sometimes but, you make me so so happy. I can’t imagine life without you ❤ Our little family is all I need to keep a smile on my face. Here’s to five years with you my love. I love you, for all that you are, all that you have been and all you’re yet to be. ❤ Te amo mi rey ❤

Rejection.

All my life I have worked. From a young age things weren’t easy for me. I ventured out on my own when I was 16. Never feeling as if I “fit in” to the world. I did what I thought I must at the time. At the age of 19 I went into restaurant management thinking it was the only thing I could do to get to a point in my life where I didn’t NEED anyone but myself. Money has always been a struggle for me and many others on this earth. After 7 years of working in restaurants I decided to try to take a step to what i thought was happiness. Maybe without the fear of not having funds for my bills would make me feel at ease. I’m a survivor. I rely on myself alone to carry the weight on my shoulders. I know I can always count on me.

At 22 my life twisted. I was always known for making it on my own. I fell for a man living 2 hours away from my home. After seeing each other for about 6 months I decided to move closer to him. Moving closer to him meant giving up my assistant management job for a support managing job. The choice I made I would soon regret. Sharing a home together owned by his parents the relationship went sour. Once again I find myself hurting because I relied on someone else. It’s no one’s fault but my own. Who am I to expect people to be perfect? This meant I had nothing of my own. My car, clothing and a computer… That’s it. Having nowhere to go my ex choose to let me stay in his house and pay half rent. Of course anyone could imagine how that went. But within these moments is when I knew, I wanted what I once had. I needed to make a change. An upgrade in life. I decided it was time for that change. I remember speaking to my online gaming friends about Full Sail University. Every night after work I would come home and just talk and game with them for hours. Dreaming of the day when I would finally say “yes, I’m going”.

In February of 2012 I drove from Marietta Ohio to Orlando Florida to attend Full sail University to study Digital Art and Design. I felt the school overall prepared me well. I felt the most prepared after graduation than most college students graduating. However I was not prepared for what was yet to come.

2 years of constant searching. Never really feeling secure or “ok” when it comes to my financials or finding a place for me. I try my best and when my best isn’t enough it begins to eat me up inside. I feel the depression slowing taking over me. The end results has me fighting a battle with myself every day to keep going. To keep trying. Today is NOT your last day I won’t go down that easily. I just have to keep trying. Some days don’t goes as well as others. However this time around things began to seem different. I pushed this energy I felt into creating something all my own. I make the decisions for this, I decide what to create and I decide how it’s created. Then I remember… This is what I’m good at. Pulling self motivation from the darkest parts of me and pushing myself to make something of it.
What rejections have you been through? What have come out of these rejections and how do you plan to deal with them in the future?

 

Depression. How I Keep Fighting.

I want to start off with saying I am not a mental health professional. I have done research on this topic in desperately for my life back. The past 2 years have been rough for me and still from time to time I find myself stuck in these pits of sadness in my own mind. You’re  your worst critic. Everything I create I critique for days on end until I’m “okay” with the outcome but never fully happy with the end result.

For months and  months I went through job interviews and filling out countless job applications. I would wait day by day with my email always open on my computer screen. I made it to so many job interviews that turned out disappointing. I’m starting to feel no one really respects designers or artists, offering barely enough wages to pay for rent in California let alone live here. I’m not saying designers CAN”T find jobs here nor live here but it seems there are not many willing to pay what I believe my work is worth. This frustrating situation caused me to think the worst in myself. My own critique designed to degrade and distress me. These feelings went on for months leading onto a year. A year had passed and I realized how consumed I had become with these feelings, I have done research on this topic in an attempt to desperately get my life back

With my research I had learned that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Which all made sense scientifically but what exactly does it mean? How does this imbalance occur and why does it make me feel sad? I’m not a scientist nor a doctor so these “chemicals” and what they do is something I don’t understand. What I do know is how to prevent these chemicals from causing an imbalance or balance them back to normal. To better understand the science behind this I watched a video I would like to share with you. To most it might seem boring but these types of educational videos interests me especially when it comes to bettering my body and mood.

Watch Video

In the video he talks about how this rate of depression has increased greatly over the years and how most of the time we are put on antidepressants and just kind of expect the medication to “fix” us. I have never been the type of person to take medication. I will take something for a horrible headache but I feel my body has the strength to overcome most issues on my own. Even with pain my body will somehow find a way to soothe it. Some people don’t think in this way or they simply are so deep in their depression believing there is no escape but these drugs… and that’s ok. I don’t have anything against antidepressants. However the way I choose to deal with these things is my choice as it is yours to make your choice. I choose to take certain actions naturally to help me deal with what I have become. I just wanted to put that out there in case you were wondering why I don’t just take the medication to feel better. It’s not me.

Also in the video he talks about a group of people called the “Kaluli”. They don’t live as we do but live like hunters and gatherers. Scientifically how we were designed to survive. Now days we just sit at home and entertain ourselves with tv shows and computers. Gathering food is as easy as going to the grocery store and surviving seems so simple. Therefor we start to feel we have no purpose. At least that’s where I have gone. What I feel. I feel useless to the point I have to depend on my boyfriends income to survive. I hate saying it out loud. I disappoint myself by saying it and acknowledging it. I hate that I put all the pressure on him to help us survive. I despise telling others I have no work. That I have been searching going on 2 years now and have not fit myself in somewhere. To have them look at me as if I’m not trying. As if I’m being a lazy ass hole sitting home letting my partner carry me in life. As I try my hardest to keep my mind sane, continue searching and never giving up because there is one person who believes I can still do it. That I can still find a company where I am appreciated in. Or just find some small piece of success. He see’s the good in me I no longer see in myself. When I’m breaking down crying and barely breathing… he holds me, comforts me and is pain just simply because I’m in pain. He is a huge piece to this puzzle, but not the only one. The rest has to come from me. Being strong and never giving up. Never giving up starts with coming up with the next move to feeling normal again. I started to change my diet. Not only was I starving myself at the time but I was and have been strongly addicted to sugar. Which in result had me hating my body. Starving myself ect. I started eating fruits and veggies more often. Always trying my best to snack on them each day. Then I slowly started incorporating them into meals just simply because I grew to like them.  Bananas for examples is known as the “happy” fruit. I mostly like them when they’re raw but eating them that way is not good for your digestive system. Having them with mostly with brown spots is the best way. I’m not a fan of them like this but I started making them in smoothies. Blended up bananas almost feel like milkshakes. This way I enjoy them try to have them often. Next is exercising. I absolutely hate the gym. I despise it and how bored it makes me. I will go sometimes to for my mussels but I mostly enjoy swimming or walking my dog. Doing these has helped me not overcome but deal with the current discomfort of depression.

 

 

 

Ideal Body Image? Na Screw that!

13502104_1734173843504819_2714959095364269784_nI can’t help but admire my younger self. I know right? The time you feel the most dumb when thinking back? The time you clearly are haunted by the dumb mistakes you made in the past and yet you admire that part of yourself. The part of my life where it didn’t matter what I looked like…

As the years went on and these things started to matter. The more and more stressed I became about it. “My thighs are too big” “My belly pops out when I eat, I must be eating to much”. Just small things in my younger mind.  I thought I could solve this on my own. It seems like when the topic comes up about losing weight… it’s always a mystery. So we turn to these companies with products and essentially the “solution” to lose weight. For years I fell into this trap. But why? WHY?…. Because we are told we have a certain “image” we are supposed to achieve. We’re supposed to be skinny, petite and as thin as possible. Lets not forget if there is an oz of fat on us we are criticised for it from our peers. We all know women getting the shitty end of the deal when it comes to the way we look. Not all women are as accepting as I would like to think but I would say women deal with this at a more intense level than men. And from a personal perspective I let this type of criticism consume my life.

About a year ago I became overly obsessed with my look. I started starving myself some days when I felt too bloated and went to the gym 6 days a week for an hour of cardio for 3 months. I wasn’t losing anything… Sure I lost when I didn’t eat. But when I did. I just felt bloated every time and sure enough the weight came back. People tell me all the time “you’re not eating the right things” always trying to lecture me about what I choose to eat and how much. The changes I have made over the last 2 years where great choices! I know that and that’s all that matters. But the one thing I wish I could have realized sooner… is that all of this takes time. No you can’t lose 15 pounds in 2 months… Not the healthy way at least. Not in a way where it will stay away. Making a lifestyle change takes time. But YES you can do it and eventually it will feel normal. Be picky about what you put in your body. And when you feel bloated or full from a meal don’t feel bad. Because you nurtured you body with great foods and your body will love you for it.

Each and everyone of us is built differently. Sure we have a skeleton that resembles the same thing. But the same size? No.  We’re all uniquely different. So why are we comparing ourselves to others? Knowing we are different from them? Why not admire the fact that you can be your own unique self? Which sure is hard and I always want to admire a positive body image. I found that in Iskra Lawrence. She is tall and build like me… most models are not even close to my build at all… But she matches me the closests. I feel like doing this is much healthier than looking at a victoria’s secret model on a runway. You can be sexy! In your own way! Love it! Work it! Be you!

The point to this blog is to show I’m not afraid of not looking like someone else… anymore. I’m ok with being me. I love myself and I will make healthy choices because I love my body and I know it’s the only one I get. But it’s not a race…. I have ate unhealthy for years starting when I was young. No one taught me about nutrition. I had to learn on my own.

Watch plz

Luna, The Star of My Show

It was just another normal, boring day in my apartment. I was checking my email every 30 minutes. Browsing craigslist, LinkedIn and Facebook all while getting lost in my thoughts. I decide to head to the kitchen and make something for lunch. “It’s only 1 o clock, time is moving so slow” I think to myself. I scrounge up some leftovers from the night before. Quinoa, chicken and beans with Arizona green tea.

I sit back down in my chair as I look at my computer screen. My “silly” has sent me an image. The most beautiful image that instantly boosted my mood and brought me to tears. White fur, beautiful light blue eyes and an amazing smile. A Siberian husky in need of a home. I demand he tell me if he was trolling me or not. It’s something he often does. He thinks he’s funny at times but this is something I truly wanted and felt she needed us. He said he’s not trolling but has to message them asap because someone inside his office was interested in the beautiful creature. I tell him to “hurry hurry!” He answers back and says someone is interested and most likely will have her. If something happens then we are next in line. I felt sad and nervous. Hopeful that she will still need a home the next day.

The following day comes. I am just sitting and waiting, asking every hour if there was any news. He attempted to keep it as a surprise for me but, he could not keep it from me. We were to meet the beautiful husky and the current owner the following day.

At 6pm, Silly pulled up in the car as I was waiting eagerly outside for him. I jump in the car and we head to an apartment complex with a tennis court. We parked and had a small walk to our destination. As we get closer I see her white fur and fluffy curly tail. She is running with 2 other huskies. My heart starts to race with excitement. I want to jump up and down and just scream. I squeeze silly’s hand smile at him. As we walk up to the gate she continues to run and we are greeted by the owner and her friends. She is so precious. After conversation and exchanging information we where now the new owners to the beautiful white husky, Luna.
Abandoned by her first owners, Luna was rescued by a women named Laurin. Luna…. She rescued me.